I few posts back I shared about my journey to surrender—how God was s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g me (and my hubby) in areas that we were totally not expecting to be stretched.
Over the last few weeks as we have been walking this road, I have been pondering so many things in my heart about what exactly it means to totally, 100% surrender to God. I mean, is it possible to just surrender in the things that are comfortable and easy—is that enough? Will God be please with my half-hearted attempt (when actually I know better)?
For me, when life is good and everything is going just the way I want it to (and I LOVE to have my life planned and organized), well, it is easy to surrender. Very easy. It is wonderful to be able to look at my life and feel like I did it—I surrendered something that was hard or difficult. I stepped out of my comfort zone. But then, just as God would have it, He brings up something else, something that completely takes me by surprise. You ever been there?
“But God, surely you know that I have given you my life and will do ANYTHING for you—I have told you so many times.” Feeling satisfied, I leave it at that.
“Really? Do I have all of you my child? I need ALL of you—EVERYTHING, every little bit of you.”
“Uh sure, Lord. You can have all of me—-I am all yours.”
But what could that mean in this season of my life?
So, here I am, still standing in that place of learning what it means to ABANDON myself to Him. You know what I mean? That feeling of God telling me to do something that is so far out of my comfort zone that it terrifies me. But God—does He not promise us that He will never put us in a situation that we cannot handle? Does He not promise us that we when step out of the boat and walk on the water, that that is where the BLESSING is. I know it’s true—living a life inside the boat is a life half lived—stepping out of the boat is where we meet Jesus face to face. To be in that place where He calms the storm around me. Oh how I long to meet Him face to face.
Still, I’ll be honest, I’m a little afraid. We are facing a tough decision—one that will change my life, and that of my family. But, if that is what God wants—I am soooooo absolutely IN!
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Gal 2:20
To me, that is what complete abandonment means—-that my life is no longer my own! If Jesus gave Himself for me, then surely I can give myself COMPLETELY to Him—so that His will may be fulfilled.
I am learning, precious friends. My word, I feel like I have such a long way to go, but I’m learning. We are in the middle of some big decisions—and as my life is truly not my own, I am just His servant in this grain of sand called ‘life’, I guess I will do anything in my power to ensure that I am faithful and obedient to do the things He tells me to do. No matter how insane or crazy they may be.