I am so thankful for all the e-mails I get from sweet friends who read my blog.
There is one question I get asked ALL the time. It comes up a lot. Since it involves husbands, I have asked the man in my life to answer it from a husbands perspective.
I hope his answer encourages many of you wives who wait and wait for your husband to get on board. Or, perhaps his insight may even encourage a husband who is so afraid to say “yes.”
The question so many of you ask is this:
I would so love to adopt a child. I feel it is what the Lord is calling our family to do. BUT my husband is not on board. He comes up with every excuse as to why we should not do it. What should I do?
I’m so privileged on two counts: to be able to rescue the lives of four treasured orphans and to be asked to write on my wife’s blog! I’m immensely proud of my wife.
I know that when one spouse is yearning to adopt, but the other one isn’t, we’re talking about a very emotional thing. My heart goes out to you all. But know that God is in control…always has been, always will be.
When a wife believes the Lord wants her family to adopt, but the husband isn’t there yet, the wife should be assured that if God wants it to happen, He’ll work on your husband’s heart.
After this spring, we will have adopted four special-needs children. In each instance, I struggled with whether this excitement in Adeye was a divine message or a divine mess. On top of that, I struggled with the possibility that God would actually speak to my wife before speaking to me first. After all, I’m the minister. Then again, if I really had to think about it, God often spoke to Adeye on many matters and left me out of the picture all together! But surely, Lord, on an issue this important, wouldn’t you at least have a dove descend on Adeye’s head and say, “This is my beloved daughter. Hear her!”?
Truth be told, God tells whomever He wants. And we need to handle it in a way that we would any other issue—trusting the God in our spouse.
So what do you do? As a couple, you pray together. The wife can show her husband from the word that orphans are STRONGLY on God’s heart. Okay. So far, so good. So you pray that the Lord would make it clear to the TWO of you what part He wants YOUR family to participate in. (Of course, you’re already convinced that God wants you to adopt, right?)
That being said, wives, a man needs a LOT of room on this one. In his mind, he knows God called him to be “head of the household” and “The Great Provider”—financially, that is. It’s natural for him to think, “How am I going to afford this?” “Will I be able to sustain a larger family financially?” “Will I love this child as if he/she were born naturally to us?” “Will everyone think I’m crazy?”
The answer to all of the above questions is yes. How will he afford it? He just will. Will he be able to sustain more kids financially? Yep. How? I don’t have a clue. But if God’s heart is for orphans, He’ll take care of you. The husband may be The Great Provider, but our God of the Universe is “The Great Sustainer.”
Will he love this child like a natural-born one? Oh my gosh. Men, you’ll love that child right off the bat. When your wife comes to you and says, “Honey, I’m pregnant,” admit it. You’re terrified and thrilled at the same time. What about finances?! Then again, what a joy! It’s the same when you first make the decision to adopt. Same questions and doubts, but soon—very soon—your heart grows in love for that “unborn” child—unborn to you. The waiting period until you get an orphan—if it’s a special-needs one—is about the same time it takes to carry a baby. About nine months. That’s God’s way of preparing you before the “baby” comes. You already love that child!
And I will say that I have experienced NO LESS excitement and joy seeing our adopted daughters in person for the first time on Gotcha Day than when our three biological sons came out of the womb!
And finally, “Will everyone think you’re crazy?” Absolutely. And isn’t that fantastic? You are officially a true Jesus Freak. And proud of it—every time you look into the eyes of the precious little life you just saved!
So wives, God has brought my heart around, as He has countless husbands around the world. Keep heart and keep in prayer.
We have definitely not always been ONE on the issue of adoption. We have had to spend many hours on our knees before the Lord. We have had to seek His heart with everything that is within us. But you know what happened? The Lord knit our hearts together and put in BOTH of us His heart for orphans. He brought us BOTH to a place of complete surrender. And that’s where we are today.
I can tell you that it has not been an easy road for either of us. There were times when we felt like we could never be on the same page. There were days when we wondered if we could ever hear the voice of the Lord clearly on this issue. But we never gave up. We pressed in and trusted that the Almighty would show us the way–and He did.
By no means am I an expert in this area. I can only share from my own experience, and my own journey. The best advice I could possibly give any wife who is longing–like Anthony said, is to give your hubby space. Give him room to pray and seek God’s heart. God is so able, friends. He can turn the coldest heart in this area. I know He can…and He sure doesn’t need our help!
He has done it in our lives–and can do it in yours. I know that there are so many other wives who read this little blog of mine who can testify to the same thing….God CAN do it.
Any other questions about our journey? Just ask and we’ll answer.
Or, if you’re at that difficult place of trusting God to move on your hubby’s heart, and you want someone to pray–let us know–we would be honored to pray for you, trusting for breakthrough.
Love you all.