Isn’t it amazing how we humans just adjust. When God throws something new at us, we adjust, with His help. When our circumstances change, we adjust and get on with it. We have an amazing ability to adjust to ‘new normals’.
So it has been with Haven. We have adjusted. Pretty well, actually.
But, can I be real with you?
After a few days away from home, I am discouraged. I guess that life with Haven was just ‘normal’ before I left. I rarely thought twice about her inability to speak. Or her extreme delays. It was just life as usual around here. But something happened in my heart when I came home last week. I was, once again, so aware of where Haven is in her [lack of] development–something I had kind of swept under the rug for the last couple of months.
As we head toward our 8 month anniversary of adopting Haven, we had absolutely believed in our hearts that she would at least be saying simple words by now, not sentences, just words. Every therapist and doctor we have seen has echoed the same thing, “Haven will naturally learn to speak just by being in a family”. But truthfully, there is nothing. Not a single word comes out of her mouth.
I am all of a sudden so aware of it all again. Her extreme delays and lack of even trying to verbalize things. Unless prompted many times, she will not even try. She lives in a world of silence, a world where she can express no needs or desires.
Haven certainly has made some progress, and for that I am thankful. Yes, she does try to put her clothes on by herself and she does try to brush her own teeth. But, the reality of it is that she very often gets it all wrong too. She can do the same thing twenty times, and then get it wrong again. Simple things that any eight and a half year old can do in their sleep, are a huge mission for her.
I am just feeling discouraged. Will she ever speak? Will she ever try to speak? Will she ever be on a par with her age group developmentally? I just don’t know. We had so hoped that we would see more progress at this stage. But we are not.
Unfair expectations? Maybe. No, most probably.
We have no idea what goes on in her brain. Absolutely no idea. We are facing many decisions right now about therapy, intervention services and school involvement. What is going to be the best for Haven? Where is she going to start learning and growing. We just don’t know and need wisdom from the Holy Spirit. We need His guidance in this.
In my heart I know that if Haven never progresses, if she never reaches the milestones she should, we will be just fine with it. No matter what the outcome of all this, I know the Father will enable us to parent her and love her unconditionally, which He already has. For now, though, for her and for us, I just prayed for so much more than what I see.
I am so human, so imperfect. I know the right thing to do is to walk by faith, not by sight. But, for today, my faith in this area feels so low.
Thank you, precious friends, for listening as I share my heart.
I am just fighting discouragement.
Tomorrow we have meetings with the therapists who have been diagnosing Haven. Hopefully we will get some answers to our questions.