I have many flaws. Many, many flaws. For anyone who comes here and reads this little blog of mine there are countless things that you can and will find wrong with me. Perhaps you disagree with me on certain issues. Or, maybe you see life differently to the way I do. Or, perhaps some of the stuff I blog about is quite offensive to you. So be it.
I am a flawed human being.
~~ My spelling is atrocious. My grammar is even worse. I am not a writer, nor any kind of academic.
~~ I mention God in most posts–and talk about Him A LOT. He’s my everything, the reason that I live.
~~ My photographs are totally amateurish–not anywhere close to being perfect blogging material. Whatever!
~~ I share my heart openly and honestly–and many disagree.
~~ I am PRO LIFE in every sense of the word. Many are not.
~~ At home I get annoyed at my kids. I say some unkind things to my husband.
~~ I can never, ever seem to get on top of my inbox. Responding to every person who writes to me is humanly impossible. I fail.
~~ On and on the faults go. I am flawed. So very flawed.
Yup, there sure are many things that you can disagree with me on. And many do. Some respectfully. Others not at all. I don’t care if anyone disagrees with me. It’s the nature of the business–have a public blog, anticipate the criticism. A respectful disagreement would be nice but is often not the case.
I do not blog to get anyone’s approval. That would be a lost cause and I would end up with a major inferiority complex. You can give me your best shot anytime. Like sticks and stones, words will never harm me. I know who I am in Christ.
I don’t get my knickers in a knot over people who have nothing better to do than find fault. Trust me, you really don’t have to look too far to find it in me.
There is a line that I draw when accusations, evil, and demeaning comments are directed at anyone in my family other than me or my husband. That crosses a line that should never be crossed. Children should never be part of the deal. Ever. ESPECIALLY the ones who have no voice, the ones who cannot stand up for themselves.
A few nights ago I posted a sweet little video with our beautiful Hailee in it. I know that many, many of you saw it. If you did not…it was a video of Anthony playing with Hailee on the sofa while my other children played in the background. Hailee is laughing like crazy while Anthony lovingly asks her where her “sticks” are. Her sticks being her skinny little legs. Every time he asked her, she burst into the sweetest laughter.
Innocent stuff. Just a little angel love who has come such a very long way in eight short months of being home. Just her proud mommy and daddy showing the world how amazingly well she has done.
I went to bed, not thinking twice about it.
Oh my goodness gracious, the following morning I was greeted with some not-so-very-nice comments. People who took it upon themselves to say mean and evil things. Simply because they could. Anthony and I were speechless. Didn’t we just post a video of a very happy little girl playing with her Daddy? What was the deal? And why the opinions/comments/criticisms of the kids playing in the background?
What in the world? How could anybody possibly look at a little girl who has lived five years of hell on earth and say miserable things? How? What the heck is wrong with people? Seriously? Why can’t they just direct their hatred toward me instead of my children. Really, say something mean to me personally if it makes them feel better.
Truthfully, I ache for my children. I really do. There are no words to describe what it does to my mommy heart when this stuff happens. To know that this is the kind of stuff they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives…oh my.
This blogging experience and sharing my children who have special needs has really been an eye opener for me. Perhaps I lived in this isolated little Christian bubble before I did this blogging thing? Maybe I was so naive?
So naturally I removed the video as fast as I could. The first post I have ever removed like that. Not because I wanted too. I really did want to share Hailee’s joy with those of you who have followed her journey for so many months. I removed it because I will protect my daughter fiercely, with everything I have, until the day I die. Anthony and I are IT. We are all she has in this life. We are her voice until she finds hers. And even then, we will speak for her when she needs us. Hailee will probably live with us until the day that Jesus takes one of us home. That is our reality and we are more than fine with it.
I am learning that there is a very fine line to walk with blogging. How much do I share? How honest can/should I be?
I LONG to see many, many more children come home…but at what cost to my own children?
I just don’t know the answer to that question.
I only know that there is a line that should never, ever, never, ever be crossed by anyone when it comes to children who have special needs. They should never be criticized, judged, labeled, name-called or anything that resembles any kind of hatred. It is a no-go zone!
I been thinking about something a lot recently. I have been so quick with an answer in the past. Too quick. I have thought that I had the whole thing all figured out when it comes to “special needs” in other countries. We have been asked countless times about our daughters’ countries and the way things are there. My answer? Always the same…”Children who have special needs have no worth or value in their own country. They have no place there.”
I have come to realize that right here at home we really are not so very different to them after all. We have such a long way to go in unconditional acceptance.