Because for the life of me I just cannot think of one. Too much on my mind.
Thank you for all your very sweet birthday messages for Anthony’s birthday. He appreciated them so much. We had a great day together.
Aaahh…life is busy! Ridiculously so. ‘Rest’ and ‘relaxing’ are not in the vocabulary around here. There is much to do as we prepare to move our family at the end of May. We’re moving back to the east coast. We used to live there and are going back. The timing is a little wild with Hailee and Harper coming home, but never in a million years did we expect to still be waiting to bring them home.
My days are spent packing, de-junking, sorting out more kids clothes than I ever thought my children owned (thanks to a constant flow of hand-me-downs), and figuring out what furniture will fit into our teeny tiny house. It’s a crazy time to scale down and move into a smaller house, but you know what? I’m actually looking forward to it. It is absolutely God’s provision for our family in this season of our lives and we’re so thankful. We’re following His lead with desperate surrender.
I have finally been able to get a flight back to the Ukraine. I will leave on Monday, May 3. Anthony will be joining me there–but he will be arriving on May 7. We hope to be able to return home WITH THE GIRLS around May 14 or so.
There are no words to describe how desperately I am missing Hailee and Harper. Something awful. Next Thursday they will be all ours. I will walk into that orphanage and take them out forever. My heart can hardly wait. What a long and crazy journey this has been. It definitely has not turned out the way we had hoped–but it has turned out exactly as the Father destined, and that’s okay with us. We trust Him with all our hearts, even when things make absolutely no sense at all. Even when my heart is longing to have them here with us. Even when I don’t understand why they are still there.
Many, many of you have written to ask me about Hailee’s drugs and some have expressed concern about us weaning her off them. I appreciate your concern so much. I actually got the name of the drug a while ago and we have already consulted our doctor here. The drug is NOT addictive, thank the Lord. It is a drug which is given to patients with severe mental disorders, a neuro psychotic drug. It has a tranquilizing effect, which is why they give it to her. It makes her feel ‘numb’ and unable to function properly. Ugh. According to our doctor Hailee can be weaned off the drug safely and very quickly.
Many have also asked me why Hailee is subjected to drugs, and Harper is not. Well, after next Thursday, when our children are in my custody, I will be able to share Hailee’s story a lot more freely. Until they are in my arms forever, I have to be cautious here. I absolutely cannot cross the line that could lead to complications. Saying too much could jeopardize things (even at this late stage of the adoption), and I cannot ever do that. I know you all understand. Even as I sit here at my desk, I tear up thinking about my sweet baby girl lying in her crib so far away. There are some things that my human heart will never understand in this life. Such as this, her life.
I went shopping and bought heaps and heaps of candy for the older kids at the orphanage. I cannot wait to share some American candy with them. My heart truly does break for the older children. How hard it must be for them to see families come and adopt children…and get left behind. Gosh, I know they must wonder when it will be their turn. I cannot even imagine. I ache for them. Let’s face it…there are just too many orphans in this world, and sadly, too few willing to take them home. But that’s a post all of it’s own. Maybe soon. I don’t know. I don’t even think I can put into words how desperate I feel about the orphan crisis.
It’s the thing that keeps me up at night. Everything else just seems so frivolous. Things that once seemed so important to me, no longer matter. When I close my eyes I see the ones I will have to leave behind next Thursday when I visit my daughter’s orphanage for the last time. Their sweet faces are etched in my memory forever….
The one’s who wait and wait and wait. Oh God in heaven.